It been only a month that I got married and now I have decided that I will not live with my in-laws. They did not let me live comfortably and put me to work just after three days of marriage as if I am a servant. They started ordering me to cook different dishes although I informed them in the beginning that I would not do any household task. We had maid servant in my parent’s home so I can expect the same at my in-laws. The fragrance of flowers is not yet over from my room and my in-laws are not letting me live happily. If I stay there I have to bear the torture or else I go back to my parent’s home. (Maria Khawar, Islamabad)
Advice:
Perhaps you do not know that in this world nobody can gain respect by fighting with others especially the girls, if they are newly married and they have to live with their in-laws. In such circumstances you can make your space only by ignoring and tolerating others. Love others and they will love you too. If you want to prove that you are superior to them, nobody will accept you. Actually you failed in making relationships and the consequences are before you!! You still have time. Leave the idea of going back to your parents and try to get settled with your in-laws. It may be difficult in the beginning but things will change gradually with your good behavior. Shed flowers while you speak and your speech should be fragrant!
My helplessness:
I fear ailments since my childhood. If any one fell ill in the family, I used to separate my dishes, towel and bed sheets. Now after getting married it’s a compulsion for me to live with my in-laws. A few weeks ago my brother in law’s son had measles. I also got afraid, I was not worried about myself but about my children that they might get affected by the disease. Despite all precautions, my youngest son fell ill. I am asking my husband to take a separate home but he does not agree. He says that he will live with his family until his mother is alive. I can’t express how much afraid I am of being attacked by any disease.(Kanwal Akhter, Lahore)
Advice:
Nowadays people have stopped living together and joint family system is breaking. God forbid it may not turn to break family system. If families live together it’s their love and sincerity. When any disease outbreaks, those people could also suffer who adopt precautionary measures. People living in the same house are more likely to catch the disease from one another. But the children who are vaccinated for such diseases stay safe. Even if they catch the disease, it is not severe and they recover quickly. Usually germs for these diseases are transferred from one child to another through nose and throat secretions. Playing and eating together should also be avoided in such conditions. Living together, it is essential to take care of each other. If a child falls ill, the parents should keep him away from others. The precautions you are taking to avoid disease are good. Whilst you are facing this fear since childhood, it must not prolong any more. It’s good that you have talked about it. Your child fell ill, got treated and now he is well or getting well. It may also happen that God forbids your child falls ill and the other children in the family get affected. And if you are living separate your child may catch the disease from other children in the community. It means that one can fall ill even after adopting all the precautionary measures.
Health and fitness is Allah’s blessing and He is the only one to provide cure. So why should we be afraid of something on which neither we have complete control of nor can we claim. Leave everything upon Allah and keep praying for good health of your children. If someone is ill you must inquire after his health, pray for his health and do for him whatever you can. People, who are sincere and sympathetic and help others in difficult times, do not get into troubles.
I will be left alone:
Doctors tell us that we should expect our mother to behave normally as before. They feel that her brain is getting like that of a child’s. She needs to be fed on time and we have to do many other things for her. I have always been very close to my mother. I have also told my wife that if she takes care of my mother, I will take care of her. I have heard that it’s a mental illness and the people who suffer from such diseases generally do not live longer. If my mother leaves me now, I will be left alone. I want her to be alive in whatever condition so that I also live normal. People fear death but I am afraid of losing my mother. (Noman Akhter, Lahore)
Advice:
It’s good that in these times you are an obedient and loving son, otherwise as the world is making progress, there is little to no room for old people. It’s true that your mother is a mental patient but this disease does not necessarily means shorter life. There are some other diseases which lead to shorter life and it normally happens with special children. They usually die younger as compared to normal people. If they reach adult age and live a routine life to some extent even then there are chances that they may suffer with heart diseases. But nobody is in danger of death just because of mental illness. You must take care of your mother. However, you must not get depressed under any fear or mental stress that affects your family, specially your wife and children because it’s also important to fulfil their right and live normally with them.
